Anger is a perfectly normal, and in most cases healthy, human emotion. However, when it spirals out of control and becomes destructive, it can cause problems at work, in intimate relations, and your general quality of life. And it can give you the impression that you are at the mercy of a volatile and powerful emotion. This document is intended to assist you in comprehending and controlling your anger.
What Are Anger And Its Possible Causes?
As per Charles Spielberger, Ph.D., a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger, anger is “an emotional state that ranges in intensity from mild irritation to severe fury and violence.” As with other emotions, anger is associated with biological and physiological shifts; when you become furious, your heart rate and blood pressure rise, and so do your hormones adrenaline, and noradrenaline levels.
Anger can be triggered by external as well as internal circumstances. You may feel enraged at a specific person (a coworker or boss) or incident (a traffic jam, a canceled trip), or you may be enraged as a result of worrying or obsessing about personal concerns. Additionally, memories of painful or upsetting situations can elicit angry feelings.
Expression Of Anger And Why It Is Necessary
Anger is naturally expressed by forceful responses. Fear drives powerful, often aggressive feelings and behaviors, which enable us to fight and defend ourselves when assaulted. So, a little rage is required for our survival. However, laws, societal conventions, and common sense limit our ability to physically strike out at those who bother or upset us.
Angry sentiments are dealt with in a variety of conscious and unconscious ways. Mainly expressing, suppressing, and calming. The best way to express rage is assertive, not aggressive. To do this, you must learn to express your demands and get them fulfilled without hurting others. Being assertive doesn’t equal being demanding. It stands for respect for yourself and others.
Anger can be controlled, then channeled. This occurs when you suppress your anger and concentrate on something beneficial. The goal is to control your anger and channel it into positive actions. The concern is that if you don’t let your anger out, it can go inward—on yourself. Anger channeled inward might create hypertension or despair.
Unexpressed rage might lead to other issues. It can develop into pathological anger manifestations such as passive-aggressive behavior (retaliating indirectly, without explaining why, rather than explicitly) or a cynical and hostile demeanor. People who continuously criticize things and make cynical remarks haven’t learned how to express themselves constructively. Not surprisingly, they don’t have many happy relationships.
Finally, you can relax. Controlling your internal responses includes lowering your pulse rate, calming yourself, and letting go of your feelings.
Anger Management To Deal Any Situation
The below tactics will help you deal with any situation without getting angry:
1. Be Mindful
It is important to know that you are getting angry and you are going to react. As if you deny you will not be able to find a solution. Then ask yourself a few questions:
What am I getting upset about?
What actually happened?
What will be the cost of an overreaction?
Am I willing to let go? Or what should I let go of?
Asking all these questions will divide the situation into chunks and you can better concentrate on analysis. These questions will also help you with the next step which is not weaving stories around events.
2. Take The Things As They Are
We always weave stories around events. Such stories often lack facts. To manage your anger, you need to keep stories concise and to take the events as they are. It can simply do not overthink or weave around things. For a clear understanding, you asked your friend to pick you from a point and he refused now you will start evaluating the quality of friendship with him. All the events when you felt even a slight disappointment about him will come to your mind and you will be angry at him. To avoid this just keep it to the point that you asked he denied that’s it. These stories sabotage situations and hijack your action. You start acting to prove them right. Another slight disappointment and your friendship are gone because you already told yourself that he is that and that, he always does this, etc.
Try this tactic in all sorts of situations when anger is kicking in and you will feel a difference.
3. Some Other Tips To Define The Boundaries Of Anger
These tips are narrated by experts and you can find their effectiveness cited by a lot of people. When you are angry try to relax, take deep breaths, and make yourself remember some cheerful events.
Work on problems that are making you angry. Make a plan and track your progress towards a solution. If there is any hurdle seek guidance. And if you are frustrated enough then leave it to come back after some days with better mental health.
Work on your communication with yourself and others to find the underlying issues.
Try to be a bit humorous. Do not use negative words when you are angry.
Change your environment. It might be in the air and you can get better by being in a different environment.